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Bittersweet Insomniaย 

About sleepless nights in the Philippines.

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I woke up. It was the middle of the night. I found myself in my bed, in the alleged birthplace of surfing in the Philippines, in a small place called Baler. Sleepless nights were nothing new to me. In fact, I had been struggling with insomnia for the last couple of years. So I got up to leave the comfort of the air-conditioned room. In the bed next to mine, I left my girlfriend fast asleep.

As soon as I opened up the door to the living room, the tropical heat of this summer night greeted me. I left the lights out and avoided exiting through the balcony door. Instead, I used the rear entrance of our summer domicile. I had got used to entering the terrace this way, in an attempt not to wake the dog of the house, Kabud, who was sleeping in front of the balcony door, as expected. I approached the wooden rocking chair and when Kabud awakened after all, she gave me a worried look. "It's fine", I said to her. "Just go back to sleep".

I opened up my laptop to do the usual. Write. At that point, I still wasn't sure if it was actually soothing me and helping me wind down or rather intensifying my insomnia. Once I ran out of fuel, I continued my routine: read other blogs, listen to music and watch YouTube videos.

As the clock struck 4.00 am, I noticed nature's call. I knew by then that going to the bathroom would disturb the sleep of my girlfriend, which I so envied. So, I left the house and headed to the beach, as I had done on every occasion in a series of sleepless nights. The mighty Pacific was roaring, as I stood under this dark, big sky and relieved myself. Black waves were crushing on the beach that I could only make out by sound. Swoosh!

Somehow I felt trapped. Trapped in my mental state defined by the inability to sleep. And yet, I loved the calm of the night, loved the serenity of blogging away my thoughts in the rocking chair, loved to witness the sounds of the ocean at night.

Oh, bittersweet insomnia in the Philippines.

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