Insomnia Hobbies 🥱

With everything I have, I try to sleep as hard as I can. What I seem to forget is that sleep is a delicate matter that isn't supposed to be "hard" (quite the opposite). A matter not supposed to work under pressure. With all that effort—again, that's not supposed to be effort—I end up exactly where I ended up the night prior: at 1:45 AM.

How did I get here?

Falling asleep was so easy—always is—so easy. It feels like so much time has passed in order for me to get here. Here is in my dark bedroom, on a hot summer night. Very much awake.

Why can't I sleep?

I've been here before

And right away, I know that I can't just turn to the side and fall back asleep. No, I've been here before.

Immediately, this strange, familiar sensation gets a hold of me. It's an overwhelming mix of refusal and longing for a state of mind that defines this inertia. Obviously, I'd rather just sleep, but here I am—wide awake. No part of my body feels tired. Even if I wish I were—I can't be.

I know this place.

An insomniac place

It's calm. Absolutely quiet. My girlfriend is fast asleep. I can feel the hot summer air on my skin. Just like the night before, this song starts to play in my head.

And I pray, pray you never lose your star. I'm so proud, proud of all that you are. I wish it was me.

And so, on yet another night, I indulge in my insomnia hobbies. I watch another episode of a captivating show on Netflix, that I've been looking forward to since last night. After all, I need a hobby that keeps me busy, while insomnia is my default state.

As sleep still seems to be a million miles away, I open up Spotify, put on The Insomnia Tapes Vol. 3, am greeted by the voice of Obongjayar and listen away into the night.